To be honest, the Socceroos haven’t got a chance in hell. Not only are they the lowest ranked team in the world cup – at 59 – they are also in the toughest group with Spain, Holland and Chile. I wouldn’t be surprised if they arrived with hand luggage only. It’s a shame, though, as I love watching them at rugby and cricket (both off and on the pitch!), but with ‘soccer’ not really being a major sport over there it’s hard to get an experienced team together.

In order to do Australia justice in terms of their culture and their traditional foods, I contacted all the Australians I know to ask them for their favourite recipes. I didn’t receive any replies, at all. In my despair I asked my New Zealand colleague for her advice – as a neighbour, so to speak – and then it slowly dawned on me: the reason nobody had sent me any recipes is because Australia does not have any traditional dishes. None. Nada.

This might come as a surprise to you, especially as Australia is known for its often quirky but always inspired twists on food (think Donna Hay, for example, who has taken over Britain by storm), but when you google ‘traditional Australian food’ you end up with hamburgers and barbecues, and neither of them can uphold a claim that they originated in Australia. Next on the list are pavlova and lamingtons, which, as my Kiwi colleague assured me, are both originally from New Zealand and, like many other Kiwi products, have been shamefully appropriated by Australia! In support of this shocking revelation she gave me the following link:

The New Zealand version of Australian cultural achievements

Despite my initial shock I did try my best to find something truly and authentically Australian, and thought I had found it in the flat white – 2/3 double espresso to 1/3 steamed, bubble-free milk – but even that was taken away from me by my formidable colleague who claimed that it, too, had been served in New Zealand coffee shops long before Australia had ever been populated. I hasten to add she could not provide me with any evidence for this claim (probably because they didn’t have any youtube in them days).

Australian or not – a flat white is the perfect wake-up cup!

I finally decided to present you with the only Australian export nobody else lays claim to, Foster’s. Perfect in the mini heatwave we have here in Britain, and even better if you’re out in Brazil. Enjoy it while it lasts – no need to keep anything back for after the group stages!

Albeit being immensely drinkable, I have to add that’Radler’ means cyclist in German, and this is the term we traditionally use for a mix of beer and lemonade – the kind of beverage you’ll have when you’re out cycling and fancy a refreshing drink.

On the upside they didn’t steal it from the Kiwis. For once.

Come on, Australia – you cannot let me get away with this! Judging by your blogs there are some fabulous chefs down there, so please prove me wrong by sending me a few links to the real Australian dishes!